The People Vs. George K.- July 19th Blog

Today, in the wee small hours of the morning, an arrest was made in Lower Camp. Detained by the on-camp authorities, George K. has been accused of being the notoriously mysterious Midnight phantom. After several pranks already this one summer, the unrest around camp couldn’t be higher. Campers and staff alike waited, with bated breath through the day, for the trial. At 4 p.m. MST (Musc standard time) in the courtroom of the Honorable Judge Mike Mattson, it began. The entire camp took their seats for proceedings. The prosecution was led by Seabass Tringale and Jungle Jeff, the Defense was Eric Traub and Joaquim Bila. The jury of George’s “peers” were the C.I.T. ‘s and Scarface. In the opening statements the prosecution alleged that George was the only ever Midnight Phantom charging him with three counts of second degree mischief, while the defense out-right denied the claim and plead not guilty. The first witness called to the stand by the prosecution was Scarface. Three members of the crowd were also brought up to re-enact the bizarre and, frankly, alarming story. Scarface claimed that he first met George in the late 1990’s in Columbia where the two of them set up a large candy smuggling empire into the United States via Portland and Cape Cod. Once that was established, George began infiltrating Birch Rock with all this illegal candy. This would explain how George was able to distribute the stuff into the camper ranks. We know this is all true because the bailiff (little Seth Brewster) had Scarface swear before the court on the Idiot’s Guide to Bird Watching. George denied the allegations citing that he has “never been” to Columbia and that he is “only 10” years old. The journalist today didn’t hear the defense’s line of questioning due to the fact refreshments were brought in by the food vender. The sodas were cold anyway. The next witness called up was Jack’s Casino’s chief floor operator, Nicky K., who swore before the court on the D and D Players Handbook. Nicky told the story of how a few days before this very trial, he woke up in his cabin and found that, not only had his pet rock named Potato had been stolen, but also he, and his fellow cabin mates, had been covered in tortillas and that on the floor “MP” was also spelled in tortillas. Prosecutor Seabass claimed, but was unable to prove, that George himself speaks fluent tortilla just as the Midnight Phantom clearly can. Nicky K. is quoted to have said that George is, indeed, the Midnight Phantom including the words “no cap” proving his seriousness. Jungle Jeff, however, brought out the most incriminating piece of evidence of the afternoon when he revealed to the crowd a picture, taken in the middle of the night, of the tortilla packet wrapper on his bed! The crowd went wild, the journalist was covered in spit takes, even the bailiff couldn’t control the crowd. Absolutely wild turn of events! Again, the journalist did not hear the defense line of questioning after the picture was revealed due to delicious snacks being brought in yet again. Finally, George himself was called to the stand by the prosecution. He swore to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth on a ham sandwich. Last week, there was an incident where trunks were removed from Bees Hive by the Midnight Phantom. Jeff was able to prove that George was seen entering and exiting the building, but George defended himself by citing the fact that he “lives there” and that he does that “everyday.” When the defense took the stand, they asked George to prove that he could lift an average trunk. George could not. The defense implored the jury, “if the trunk could not be lifted, you must acquit.” At this point in the trial, the journalist got bored and stopped taking notes, but other witnesses that took the stand are as follows: Judge Mike Mattson himself, Dr. Babe “the Abe” Tolkoff Phd. Md. Esquire the III, and Seabass, in the end, the verdict from the jury is that George K., beyond a reasonable doubt, is guilty of all charges. He has been sentenced to double dessert on a night of his choosing. 

(Btw, Best cabin was Walker, Best bed was Campbell H., and Super Camper was Henry S.). 

Written by John Reisert

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